BRIAN'S FIELD REPORTS
"60% of the time, it works every time."
- Brian Fantana, Field Reporter & Cologne Connoisseur
"I'm gonna be honest with you, that smells like pure gasoline."
🌟 BRIAN'S COLOGNE-O-METER 🌟
Current Cologne Intensity Level
"Perfect for field reporting!"
📺 LIVE FIELD REPORTS
EXCLUSIVE: Panda Birth Captivates Nation
In a stunning display of nature's beauty, a baby panda was born at the San Diego Zoo. I'm here with Sex Panther cologne to bring you this exclusive report.
BREAKING: News Team Street Brawl
A massive brawl erupted between rival news teams. The scent of victory (and Blackbeard's Delight) fills the air as KVWN emerges triumphant.
LIVE: Cat Fashion Show Causes Chaos
What started as an innocent cat fashion show has turned into pandemonium. I'm reporting live with my trusty Anchorman cologne.
🍾 Brian's Cologne Collection
"Made with bits of real panther"
"Smells like pure gasoline"
"Professional grade"
"Classy and refined"
📰 Field Reporting Tips
Tip #1:
"Always apply cologne before going live. The camera adds 10 pounds but subtracts scent."
Tip #2:
"When in doubt, use more cologne. You can never have too much."
Tip #3:
"If people start coughing, you know you're doing it right."
🚨 Breaking News Alerts
URGENT
Cologne shortage reported citywide
DEVELOPING
New cologne blend testing in progress
UPDATE
Sex Panther back in stock at local stores
🎯 Brian's Reporting Philosophy
"Good journalism isn't just about getting the story. It's about SMELLING FANTASTICwhile you get the story!"
- Brian Fantana, explaining the essence of field reporting